You Got SIX 2s

I should never have asked. I should never have posted and I really should NOT have given myself a 2.

I was working a world cruise for Viking a few years ago on a brand new cruise ship with plenty of refreshing ideas and I was particularly taken by two of them. Firstly, a button in the elevator that took you directly to the deck where the gangway could be found for the day. The most genius ideas always seem to be the most simple. My other favourite was an iPad outside the theatre which gave the audience, or indeed anyone who happened to pass by, the chance to mark the evening’s show up to a total of four stars. It was constantly outside the theatre, 24/7. TWENTY. FOUR. SEVEN. Which seemed silly to me but at the same time leaving it there provided me with a backdrop, a much commented on Facebook post but more importantly another Classic Adams moment and this, my latest blog.

The button in the elevtor speaks for itself so I am going to focus on the iPad. 

The iPad is availble for you to score the show from the minute you wake up. I gleefully took a picture of this example of modern technology to post on to FB not realising the debate it would spur. Friends, collegues, people I didn’t even know and a few I didn’t even like commented on this with text or simply tapped on their emoji of choice to get their point across. Most hated it. Many were aghast that we were being ‘judged’ so blatantly. Some were annoyed that enterainers were now being scored much like a hotel, a dentist, an airport security or even a public bathroom.

I was dismayed. We are constantly judged aren’t we? This was just a newer completely anonnymous way for the jury to deliver it’s verdict. For the record I had no issue with this iPad idea. Well, one issue, perhaps. Rather than leaving it out all day a more prudent idea may be to have a Tech bring it out towards the end of the show. If you leave a show early it’s mostly likely because you haven’t enjoyed the performance and if you’ve the chance to let someone know you will do. It was a suggestion the Cruise Director liked so much she implemented it, just not quick enough to help, or indeed, save me.

This ship was brand spanking new and one of it’s finest innovations was a huge LED screen at the back of the stage and they were keen, nay, determined that every act would take advantage of this. Much to the production manager’s annoyance I had zero interest in using the screen. I am a stand up comedian and the last thing I want on stage is a distraction. I am not vain but please, can you just focus on me for the next forty odd minutes. My argument fell on deaf ears and the Production Manager who had now been joined by the Cruise Director made it clear that the screen was going to be used. So now they wanted an image. It will come as no surprise to you to learn that I carried no such thing (I say ‘carried’ becasue now, some 5 years later I use three images although none are up during the show, well, not for long…shut up!). But I am always thinking and my latest idea was just starting to form itself in my head and together with my phone, the PM and CD out to the iPad we went.

Remember those simple ideas being genius? Well how about this one…the huge LED screen will be filled with a picture of me giving myself a score of two out of four stars on their iPad. Laughter fills the corridor. My idea is a hit and everyone is happy that the screen is going to be used effectively. And perhaps more important than anything else, I have lowered expectations.

I am smiling now and shaking my head as I write becasue I know the end of this tale and I am not sure there is a more Classic Adams story in me than this.

You’ll have to wait though. There’s some other stuff to reluctantly reveal to you. My show was just fine. Except it wasn’t. ‘Just fine’ is how every show goes unless it’s bad. Then if I am asked how the show went I will say ‘awful’, ‘dreadful’, ‘I was rubbish’. I will be honest. In my life I think the only person who ever got a full, accurate description was my Dad. If the show is great that’s for others to bring up, not me. 

However breaking with tradition and to punctuate this story I have to tell you that I received a full standing ovation. Everyone in the room was on their feet. Not a handful in the corner. Nope, all of them standing there applauding for me and not just heading for a quick exit. A proper stander. I can count the number of standing ovations I’ve had in my career on, wait, nope, this was the first. In fact, to be completely straight with you ‘only’ is more honest. And I almost missed it becasue I was backstage. I don’t bow. I tell the hosts this but this one kept calling me back but I remained in the wings shaking my head until she came off stage and dragged me back on to witness this reaction. My face said it all.

“Sit down and stop being stupid!”

Now we fast forward a few months and I find myself without any bookings on this line and it surprised me. I had done very well. So I called my agent only to be told that this cruise line ‘aren’t really using comedians right now.’

We are seen as an unnecessary risk. Too hit and miss. They want safe. And ‘safe’ is not how I would describe me. The agent wasn’t done,

“…and your scores were unusual. You got one hundred 4s more than a hundred 3s but you also got seven 2s!”

“Six of those were me!”

My simple idea would have been genius had it not taken six attempts to get the perfect image!

Now that is Classic Adams!

Comments 7

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  1. Classic Adams is becoming a thing now and it could be the title of your next book. Hark at you.. Next! You’re rather good at this lark and I will always rate you but always berate you for not taking a well earned bow at the end of your act! That won’t change of course but this was a great read and I look forward to the next one x

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