Where’d My Texan Go?

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TEXAN BAR?

I love nothing more than feeling like I am at home when I’m travelling. If you asked some of my colleagues they’d tell you that I carry too much stuff with me. I’m always being told that my case is too big. 

“You’re just a comedian. All you need is a suit!” they moan.

It’s not true. I need two outfits, one for each show. I need some clothes to wander around the various countries in which I find myself. I need my ‘gig pencil case’: it is home to all my show notes, some pens, a torch, my passport and my magic beads. (Learn about my magic beads here). This would probably all fit in a decent sized carry on case but I want stuff with me that makes each cabin I call home feel more like, well, home.

So large luggage it is and a third is made up of stuff I need and the other two thirds are simple pleasures: a half dozen books, a couple of pads, some magazines, photographs, snacks (I am a diabetic), my travelling espresso machine, coffee pods, a mug, my speaker, a little piece of leather that becomes a tray to hold odd bits in, a book light and, well, you’d expect me to name the final luxury here but I am merely going to say I am about half way through the list.

I spend more time out of the UK than I spend in it! It was Sunday when I  started this post. I was in Auckland. To be precise I was in Best Ugly Bagels on Lower Albert Street. Unusually for me I was in a chain but this place feels far from that. I had a PB&J Bagel and a small flat white but what made everything complete was the copy of Herald on Sunday in hand. I felt right at home and I was totally unprepared for the fact that my day was about to get so much better.

After catching up on reports from the various Super Rugby match reports I flicked through the pages heading to an article about comedian Ben Elton when my attention was grabbed by a packet of biscuits under the headline ‘This Really Takes the Biscuit’ written by Jane Phare.

I read the first paragraph and I was hooked. Jane described herself as a ‘deep dive investigative journalist’ and she was exactly right. I read the whole article and learned all I needed to about Jane’s favourite biscuit the Chocolate Sultana Pastie. It was a piece full of fact, opinion and laughs. I enjoyed it and made a note to go buy a packet for myself.

Best of all I opened my pad and made notes to rewrite this blog, tentatively titled: ‘Where’s My Texan?’ Although the issue with Jane’s favourite biscuit was a different recipe my much missed chocolate bar had clean disappeared from the planet. As a kid I used to buy the Texan with my pocket money. I had enough money for just the one because I also wanted the Beano or Dandy and a packet of Panini football stickers.

By Tuesday  I was enjoying my third flat white at Tennyson’s in Napier. I was there earlier for flat whites 1 & 2, taking advantage of decent internet and, to my utter delight, YouTube afforded me the chance to rewatch adverts for the Texan bar. I smiled both at the memory and the thought of an Ad Exec trying to get these advertisements passed a committee in this somewhat joyless world we live in now. You can watch the advert for yourself here.

It also informed me that the Texan bar went up to the sweetshop in the sky back in 1984 and aside from a brief relaunch in 2005 it has remained there. A survey was taken in 2004 that declared the Texan bar the most popular sweet ‘by some margin’? Well,clearly not that big of a margin because still, to this day I can never find a Texan in among the Mars bars, Starbars, Double Deckers, Picnics or Dairy Milks. Damn I am hungry now.

Between flat white 3 &  4 I found myself in Minton Booklovers promising myself that although I didn’t need another book it would be rude and stupid not to pop into the best bookshop in town. The owner Paul was busy offering book suggestions to people but soon headed my way. I told him it was nice to see him again and he remembered me, not by name but by book. I was here a coupe of weeks ago and among my purchases was Thanks To Rugby, the Bill Beaumont autobiography. He spun around and headed towards that same section of the store telling me he had just what I was looking for and despite my protest he thrusted Crossing The Line into my hand. Willie Anderson’s story incudes a tale of him encroaching the All Black’s Haka! 

Seven dollars well spent I’d say. 

It only happened a couple of hours ago yet I don’t remember how Paul and I got onto the Jane Phare article but when I hinted at it Paul finished my sentence and exclaimed, 

“I just sent a link to that piece to my sister.” And now I can share the same link with you.

I already loved the article because it reminded me of a time when the news wasn’t always mad, bad and sad. I miss the ‘And Finally’ section Trevor MacDonald always finished with on News At Ten. I miss the silly stories I’d fish the weekly papers for when preparing segments for my Sunday All Request Breakfast a show I presented on Capital Gold radio.

Thanks Jane, your article inspired me, it got strangers talking and I know it will generate a smile from anyone lucky enough to read it.

How was the biscuit? I ‘d never tasted the original and I’d suggest that was a real shame!